From Looking to Choosing: How Eye Gaze Builds Communication

Sophie Barwa
Oct 22, 2025
2 min read

Eye gaze is one of the earliest and most powerful tools of communication. Long before children can speak, they communicate with their eyes — by looking at people, objects, and actions around them. When we understand the steps of eye-based interaction, especially joint attention and choice-making, we open up a world of connection and language for every child.

1. Joint Attention Comes First

Before a child can make a choice, they need to be able to notice and focus on what’s being offered. This shared focus between a child and an adult is called joint attention.

Imagine holding up two items — a banana and a cookie. You’re not just asking which one they want — you’re inviting them to look with you, to share attention on both items. You label them (“banana, cookie”), give them time to explore with their eyes, and wait.

When the child shifts their gaze to one of the items, you’ve achieved joint attention. It’s a crucial foundation for communication: “I see what you see.”

2. Choice-Making Builds on Joint Attention

Once a child can look at both options and understands that your gesture means something, they’re ready for choice-making.

The child may indicate a choice by:

Shifting their gaze toward one item
Reaching, pointing, or signing

Choice-making is not just about picking a favorite — it’s about expressing intention. Without joint attention first, a child may not realize your actions are inviting a response.

3. Together, They Build Communication

Joint attention teaches: “We can focus on something together.”
Choice-making teaches: “I can express what I want.”

Together, these skills lay the groundwork for two-way communication — including:

Noticing and sharing attention
Understanding a question (receptive language)
Expressing a preference (expressive language)
Social connection (turn-taking, reward, engagement)

A Real-Life Example

You say: “Do you want the ball or the bubbles?”You hold up both items and wait.The child looks at the bubbles.You respond: “You chose bubbles!” and hand it to them.

In that single moment, you’ve supported:

Joint attention
Language understanding
Choice-making
Social bonding

Why This Matters

For children with autism, speech delays, or other communication differences, joint attention and choice-making are often the first steps toward expressive language. Encouraging these foundational skills through eye gaze is gentle, natural, and powerful.

You don’t need fancy tools — just your eyes, your voice, and your attention. When you model shared focus and wait for their response, you're giving them a voice.

Conclusion

Eye gaze is the beginning of language. Through joint attention and choice-making, children learn to connect, communicate, and express themselves. By slowing down, offering choices, and watching closely, you invite every child to say, in their own way: “I see it, I want it, I choose.”

References

Mundy, P., & Newell, L. (2007). "Attention, joint attention, and social cognition." Current Directions in Psychological Science, 16(5), 269–274.
Tomasello, M. (1995). "Joint attention as social cognition." In Joint Attention: Its Origins and Role in Development (pp. 103–130). Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.
Adamson, L. B., & Bakeman, R. (1985). "Social interaction and the development of joint attention in the first